Promise
(The Train to Nowhere)
This drabble is a deleted scene.
–
“You promised,” Harry says, swallowing his tears and trying to ignore the smell of stale beer and spilled wine filling the room. James is pale, in yesterday’s clothes, with bruises under his eyes. He’s sitting on the couch and Harry doubts that the man could stand up even if he wanted to.
“Don’t shout,” James says. His voice hoarse and he’s squinting. “Is it morning already?”
“You,” Harry starts, but doesn’t know how to continue. There are so many ugly words and thougths inside him, waiting to be spat out – but he knows he will regret saying those words in anger. The disappointment he feels is nearly overwhelming, and all he wants to do is to give up and leave. Go and forget this man. Forget his promises.
“You promised not to drink again,” Harry says finally, and James sighs, closing his eyes.
“Not for… forever, Harry.”
“You know what you meant. I know what you meant. You promised you’d stop this and you’re still here, doing that, getting drunk because that’s all you seem to be capable of anymore!” Harry’s voice gets steadily louder as he speaks, and the last few words are loud enough to make James cringe.
“Don’t shout at me,” James tells him. “I’m… I’m your father.”
The words I wish you weren’t would have been so easy to say, and they would have hurt James so much, and yet Harry couldn’t say them. He wants to – a part of him wants that more than anything else, but he remains silent.
“This is nothing,” James continues. “Just a little drink, Harry, I’m not… I’m not what you think I am.”
“An alcoholic?” Harry asks coolly. “I know what you are.” James looks at him then, and Harry sees how old his father looks. Heavy drinking and so much stress and grief have taken their toll, and Harry wishes he knew how to fix this – how to fix anything. But he doesn’t.
“You promised me to stop this,” Harry repeats again. “You said you’d get help. Two days ago, you… liar.”
“I will,” James is quick to tell him. He leans forward and doesn’t push away the bottle of sherry. “Tomorrow I’ll-”
“Don’t bother,” Harry interrupts, and takes a step away. “Stop tellin me that you’ll stop tomorrow if you know very well that you won’t. I don’t want to hear it. I won’t be here to hear it. I… I’m going to leave.”
“You’d abandon me?” James asks, and Harry shakes his head and turns away. “You’d abandon your own father?”
“There’s no one left for me to abandon.”
marlowfication 